Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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