Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
