Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
whose parrot is this?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
