i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
