Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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