CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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