nut hugger
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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