No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
