i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
