yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
