so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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