Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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