I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
