I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
