Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just cut my nipple shaving
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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