I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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