she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
