Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
