Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
