i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
