You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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