The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
