i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
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Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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