Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
