Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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