Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
