just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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