I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
