Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
