So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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