areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
