ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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