Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
