My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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