I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
