some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
