Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Randomize
