Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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