i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
