I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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