where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
