In the future we'll all be gay
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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