Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
