I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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