I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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