She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
