if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
