Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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