Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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