He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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