I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
