He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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