Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We just shotgunned beers for America
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The Olympian is in my bed
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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