U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
