i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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