dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize