oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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