she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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