Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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