so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
