i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
