She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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