im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize