oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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