My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
