I cockslap morals
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
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some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
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Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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