Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
